The Firestone Walker Invitational is coming up so I figured now would be a good time to talk to all of you about buying tickets to beer fests that sell out quickly. It can be tricky to snag these tickets so here are a few tips to help you during any ticket sale, not just the Invitational.
Read, read, read, and reread. Read the instructions. Understand them. Understand that you need to know the rules. You may not need to know 90% of them, but I bet one or two apply to you so read them all. If you buy one ticket for yourself and your friend doesn’t get one you will be attending this event solo. This goes for emails after you have tickets as well. If you send an email later asking for an exception because you "didn't know" your email will get printed out and piled up neatly next to the toilet.
#2 If you don’t agree with a rule, don’t complain.
This isn’t your mom’s house. You’re not going to get your way if you bitch and moan. It’s all there on the website. If you didn’t know about it, please see rule number 1.
#3 You may not get tickets.
Let that sink in for a minute. You may come away from this sale empty handed. You decided that you wanted to go to this beer fest. Keep in mind this isn’t a mutual decision. Have you heard the expression “10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag”? That’s what happens if everybody who wants to go gets to go. You didn’t make the cut. It’s nothing personal. You’re disappointed you didn’t get to go. Life is full of disappointments, but at the end of the day you didn’t get to go because someone else that wanted to go got their tickets first. Maybe even by a millisecond. You didn’t get fucked. You didn’t get raped. You just didn’t get tickets and life will go on. You'll spend the weekend doing what you do most weekends. Smoking weed in your mom's basement.
#4 Don’t be an asshole.
It’s ok to be disappointed, or maybe even sad. Anger? No, that’s stupid. Even if you are mad maybe go for a walk for once. Do whatever you have to do, but keep off the internet. Email, twitter, facebook, instagram, are not places for you right now. All you’re going to do is abuse people that are there to help you. They are there to help you with all kinds of information, but they can’t help you get tickets because there aren’t any, and they are too busy to give you tissues. That other guy that loves beer got them just before you. I hear you man, it sucks, but harassing people isn’t going to change anything. It's only going to make you sound like a lunatic. It's just beer.
"It's not JUST beer bro" Crazy how I read your mind huh? Yes it's just beer and there is tons of great beer all around you. This is the best time to be alive as a craft beer fan and people have the nerve to complain about it. To those people I say, fuck you. We don't need your shitty attitudes around here. I wish we could blacklist all of the people that talk shit after ticket sales because these are 100% the douche bags nobody wants at the fests. When you do get tickets you cut in lines, you complain when a brewery runs out of a beer, and you just act like a self entitled prick all the way around. I like cool people at a beer fest and those people aren't cool. They suck and I hope they feel they are too cool for this event so we don't have to deal with their annoying asses.
#6 If you actually made it this far and you're not mad at the clickbait title I do have a couple of tips for you.
Make sure you have signed up for Eventbrite, Brown Paper Tickets, or whatever the seller is ahead of time. Make sure your credit card info is current and saved. Use everything at your disposal, phones, laptops, desktops, or even friends that can’t or don’t want to go. Last but not least if it says "unavailable" that does not mean sold out. If people are using multiple devices and they secure a lot of tickets they will become available again in a few minutes. Keep refreshing till it says sold out. I have friends that have never missed a year using these methods, but if it doesn’t work you can do what I do. Lie to yourself “Oh man, it’s going to be so hot, glad I’ll be in A/C”, “I’m probably better off not spending the money”, or my favorite “maybe they have media passes”. They don’t. Well… they do, but for me they don’t.